Hi, kumusta? Here's a briefy bio..

Call me ZA. I'm a bonafide Thomasian hailing from the distance of Fairview, Quezon City. I'll definitely play music for living and gobble shawarma every now and then. I love being with the people around me. My family, my friends, my friends at church, my band: Nuras (pati na mga tao sa jamingan ni kuya Oland), the 3rd floor people at UST music, my blogmates, and my special friend..si kuya Gaying (I owe you a lot dear) . These groups are the ones responsible for what I am today: sira-ulo! Biro lang.

Oh..and I'm also in love with someone else. I call him JC. He's the greatest bestfriend and an ultimate rockstar. He comes in the most mysterious ways you could ever think of. Nakaka-elibs. He lent and redeemed me a thing called life. He was even nailed and crucified for me. He's given me eighteen years of blessings and is still giving me more. Now that's more than something to be thankful. He rocks my world and without Him I am nothing. Yeahbah!

I live a complex life covered with shallowness. Syempre this is just a blog, what you'll get in here are nothing but blahs. The thorny parts are reserved for the real world.

Nevertheless, peep in and bribe me with shawarmas!

May 22, 2009 (Fri) 7:20pm

      I'm currently in a coffee shop at Techno Hub. I'm with Kaypee who's trying to study for her upcoming board exam while I goof around with the laptop. I brought Flatops with me thinking there'd be a wifi service in here which shockingly I am wrong. Because of that I am surprisingly trying to write anything gistful again but to my dismay all I can scribble is this senseless thought: I've lost my groove as well as my pride. Just this Tuesday, I've applied at Teletech for the position of costumer service representative and I got the very fast result the very next day--I'm in. Though I'm thankful I've gone through their interviews and exams in all likelihood, this is so unlike me. I have no grudges or what so ever with call center agents. It's just that I'm going to lose my degree if I'm going to give in for it. But then again with my current work I think I've lost it already. I am writing as I am thinking and I am confused. Doing freelance in advertising, as what I am doing now, dubbing-directing in particular, is fun and prosperous-ful, believe me it is. I don't have to go to work everyday, the money won't come regularly either. But when it comes, watch out big time. The thing is I want a regular job. A job where I'd know exactly my schedule way ahead of time, a job that will pay me regularly. Either of the two jobs in front of me doesn't have anything to do with my music degree anyway, then what am I confused of? When it all comes down to it, I just don't really really know what I really really want to do for a living. What I'm positively sure of at the moment is that I do not want to teach classroom-music for the mean time. Ditch the degree...and the license, I'm just not into it right now. I'm not closing my teaching career though. Maybe someday I'd be grateful to teach again, just not today.

        What the heck...who even cares for this stuff nowadays?

                               ---------

        Ok, it’s been three hours and I’m running out of things to do. I tried to make a photo-tribute to my relationship with Marvin using Win Movie Maker. Inspiration is not enough. Bummed.

        I have the psp right beside me but I don’t feel like playing with it, it’s sad I fell out of love with it just when Flatops came along a month (or so) ago. I’m thinking of selling it out. I'm just not a gamer. Just the way Matt would burst it, “sayang ang energy”. Teehee. That man had change a lot. He’s began to be very spiritual, filling in too much of optimism. That’s a good thing though. Wish I could have such vibe.

Sobrang luma nabaduyan na ako sa mga entry at pag-customize ko ng html noon. Pati na sa mga pictures ko. Haha. Baduy.

My relationship with my lovely family is getting sick. My love life is falling apart. I'm young. I'm 23 and I'm not getting any paycheck. I have graduated with a fine degree from a good university yet I still don't know what I really want to do for a living. My career isn't getting any better. Worse, I DON'T have a career. I can't seem to find the directions. My moods are swinging higher and higher. Lord, please take the wheel. I'm losing it. 

              I went out today to attend some meeting for another possible job opportunity. As I was driving my way home I popped in a cd and indulged myself with Craig David. I suddenly realized I was all alone in the car. I can freely play any record I want without taking turns with someother's choice. Enough of Coheed and Cambria. I have no one to argue about the how-to's of the road. No one to make fun of my memory's limitation with road directions. No one to scream at me when I start driving carelessly. No one to criticize my parking capacity. No one to wake up my senses when I get sleepy with late-night trips. No one to sass with when the gas prices hike and when the traffic laws become unessential. No one to share with the boring moments of congested traffic hours and long drives. No one. No more. Just me and Bimbim, my humble car. 

              And then there's this voice in my head, "This is what you want. This is what you'll get. No more, no less."

              Will this be it?

I was awaken by the tone of my cellphone. It was you:

                 "Kung ang tinapay nga na iniiwan mo sa mesa may kumukuha, yun pa kayang mga bagay na mas mahalaga sayo? Wala ng nagtatagal sa panahong ito at kung may iiwan ka, siguraduhin mong hindi na iyon mahalaga.-Bob Ong"       

You used to hate Bob Ong's works. You said they were always too shallow, too superficial. You even believe that anyone can equally do what he does (or even better). But this time I think you believe in the context of his one particular writing.

I immediately registered with sulitxt because I thought you were finally ready to talk. But this is all you said:

                        "Qoute lang yun."

I guess I was wrong. But I believe that when one forwards a qoute, he/she follows its credo. You considered the message that's why you sent it to me or to anyone else.

And so I contest. I think when you leave something behind it doesn't mean it doesn't matter anymore. We have to plan for the future. It's not all about the fun and benefits of the moment. We cannot just go with the flow. You have to leave something behind to gain a better something ahead. And it's not what you're thinking.

Oh there are just some things you really really can't explain.

 
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This is the morning of your flight to Bicol. You must be slumping around the gray benches of the domestic airport, playing with your psp while waiting for your plane by now. We're supposed to share that dull mmoment together. I'm supposed to be there. But because of the difference of our faith, belief and philosophies in life, I won't be there. I can't be there.

    Tinry ko celebrity look alike meter, 4 times ko inulit with different pics, puro korean o hapon o taiwanese ba? ang result. Tapos kamuka ko din daw si michell branch sa 2 photos na pinarecognize ko. Blah.

                                             ****

            I am turning 23 within three weeks and today is my very first fingernail polish.  Oh and Yana had hers too. It’s also her first and she's barely 2 years old.  

you're still alive my tabulas